Today he sat me down and insulted my mother for some twenty minutes. I can't say a thing. Because if I do, he says "By marrying me, you automatically chose me above your parents. Now you're letting me down big time. I knew I compromised on my choice of wife..." and so on. Which will annoy me even further.
And I realised one thing about him. He has, and never will, ever say even ONE nice thing about somebody. Unless he's commenting on women's looks or their body, he won't have a single compliment. And he can't even think, or begin to comprehend the fact that there may be a nice intention behind the action.
He's by far the most selfish, most arrogant and most egoistical person I've ever come across. And I've come across a lot of people, mind you. A lot. I find nothing about him cute or attractive or endearing.
You know, as long as things are going his way, he's fine. As soon as something begins to even contemplate taking another route, he gets pissed off. And his temper doesn't allow for mild admonitions or anything. It's always insults, liberal doses of the F word, and the like.
Really, I want to find a way to get out. I know I've built myself a viscious circle, but now everything I do is only making it more viscious. If I had fought, I could have fought over and over enough for me to say "I'm sick of this" and walk out. But I kept silent because I'm so damn petrified of his temper. And of being hit again. And now I can't say anything because old habits have died hard. And I want to get out so badly, I cry about it everyday, driving back home. Most people I know whine about heading TO work - I whine about heading FROM work.
I hate this marriage.
posted by La Eposa @ 6:35 AM
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