Saturday, February 03, 2007

Last night, staying at my in-laws' I watched a movie that shattered me. Mostly because it made me realise that I'm no different now, than when I was 16.

It was a romantic thriller, and it left me with the hollow, full, romantic, giddy, "awww...!" feeling that most movies like it do. And I wanted to go up and write a note telling my parents how much they meant to me.

My parents. Not my husband, the supposed apple of my eye. My parents.

Then it hit me. I don't love him. I love love. I'm not in love with him, I'm in love with the idea of being in love.

Seriously, I should be given an Oscar and a Nobel Peace Prize together. I deserve them both.

My best friend signed her divorce papers today. She messaged me about it yesterday, and I couldn't reply, although I was so happy for her - happy that she was finally out of that hellhole. No, I couldn't reply because I was jealous. Jealous that she's going to be divorced, and I'm not.